I continue to be consumed by Phil/Clint. To the point where I'm thinking of writing it myself, except for how I feel like I've got much more of a handle on the fanon than actual canon, what with never actually seeing Iron Man 2, not paying much attention to the basic cable airing of Iron Man itself, disliking Thor, and the annoyance of On Demand not having any of them available to watch, even though they did a few weeks ago when I didn't care. Also I need to see Avengers again.

But do I really need to write what everyone else has been writing (and I've been reading--i.e., post-movie stuff, you know what I mean)? And, well, there isn't really that much canon, I don't think, but does that make the fanon okay?

Anyway, here's another story I really liked, an older one (no movie spoilers) I read last night.

through stars we will navigate (5015 words) by lanyon
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (2012), Captain America (2011)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Major Character Death
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/OMC
Characters: Phil Coulson, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Nick Fury, Natasha Romanov, Howard Stark, Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers
Summary:

This is a story about Phil Coulson and how he became the man he is today but, mostly, this is a story about Phil Coulson's mother.

I do not need to own Iron Man 1 or 2 or Thor, but, you know, if any of my local friends had copies I could borrow I would enjoy doing that *hopeful look*.

Some day I will get back to Liberator. Because it's certainly not that my love for Phil/Clint has overtaken my love for David and Jim, because that would be completely impossible. I'm just enjoying the diversion, because, hello super competent people who have tragic backstories (in Clint's case, anyway) and oodles of h/c potential. *happy sigh*

(it would be good to have a Coulson icon, I think)

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Nick Lidstrom retired today, which is kind of sad, but also kind of cool, because he really retired while still at the top of his game, at the age of 42! And such a classy guy, smart and focused and dedicated. And hopefully Henrik Zetterberg will be the new captain, because anyone who would get everyone at his wedding (including the bride) wear striped old fashioned bathing costumes clearly has what it takes to be a team captain.

I hope the Wings can find some good young players to replace him.

In other news, bodhran lesson today; I really need to practice more. As in, at all. That's one of my goals for this summer.

Also, I stopped at Whole Earth before going to Central Market this afternoon and bought a few tops that will show off my tattoo. Yay! Even though I probably didn't need to spend that money (Patagonia, why so expensive?), it feels really good to have some tops that I like that you can see my beautiful tattoo when I wear them. And the people in Whole Earth who helped me admired my tattoo, as well they should (I also got a lovely card from dine about it ♥). And then I went to Central Market, so I can have breakfast tacos for dinner because now I have potatoes and fresh tortillas.

I also continue to be fairly obsessed with Clint/Phil. Such a great pairing for my id. I need to see the movie again, but I also have other movies I need to see that are coming out soon.

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Also post-movie.

( Some of the headings might be spoilery, I suppose. )

In other news, I had a good work out with E today and then went out to meet panisdead and Hoss for a delicious (and massive) amount of Japanese food. Last night I caught up with Awake (so sad it's been canceled), Game of Thrones, and Mad Men. Also I continue to read a lot of Phil/Clint, because why the hell not?

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I have read this story twice today, and, man, I just love it so much. Definite spoilers for the movie.

Resurgam (3107 words) by lanyon
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (2012)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers (implied)
Characters: Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark, Phil Coulson
Summary:

Steve’s not done any research into cellists in Portland. Tony says that wasn’t very forward-thinking of him.

Steve clutches the brown paper parcel, that’s thicker than it was when he wrapped it first. He says that it’s about the journey.

He says that he’s never once reached his destination.

[spoilers for the movie]

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No internet last night or this morning at the motel. Fabulous time continued, got home safely, massively behind on DW/LJ/etc. Let me know if I missed anything important! I have a boatload of stuff on my DVR, the cats are thrilled to have me back, and I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight. More later.

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I have seen Avengers a second time, and I have thoughts.

( Spoilers, natch. )

So that was my evening, and I leave the day after tomorrow for my reunion weekend and my tattoo itches much less and basically I'm in a pretty good mood. But people should write me Clint/Phil and also Steve/Natasha, because they love me and want me to be happy.

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You know, when I posted before, I was actually asking for Clint/Phil recs, but apparently people took that as some sort of promise to post recs myself?

Whatever, I won't pretend I haven't been reading through gobs of stuff on AO3, so I might as well post some links.

The first couple I'll post outside a cut because they don't have any movie spoilers in them.

loose (1886 words) by leiascully
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (2012)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson
Summary:

Clint is caught in one moment.

This one is the first of a four-parter, and the first couple are fine, but I really, really liked the third part. It's super hot, is what it is.

And I'll cross oceans like never before (16856 words) by sirona
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (2012)
Rating: Explicit
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Thor (Marvel), Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner, Darcy Lewis, Nick Fury
Summary:

'Oh, hell no,' he thinks, looking down at his hands only to be met with furry paws instead of the fingers he expects.

--Or the one where Loki turns Clint into a puppy, and his new condition allows him to gain some startling insights into their resident babysitter agent.

Pretty much what it says on the tin--Clint gets turned into a puppy and hangs out with various Avengers and also with Phil. And bonus hurt/comfort, and a lovely hot scene at the end!

5 Scenes to Build a Team (+2 Scenes of Sweet, Sweet Victory) (4373 words) by Perpetual Motion
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (2012)
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Natasha Romanov
Summary:

Team-building is an important part of being an Avenger (No spoilers!)

Cute bit about team building with established Phil/Clint.

The rest of my recs all contain spoilers for the movie (which I still haven't seen a second time, apparently because I've been too busy reading fic ;-)), so I'll ( put them behind a cut. )

Things I did not like, which I encountered in my lengthy dive into the pairing tag on AO3: reign/rein confusion, people misspelling Steve's last name, an absolute ton of stories that used Britishisms in an annoying way (lifts and whilsts and jumpers and so on), grammatical errors, a "per say" or two. But, really, there are a lot of decent stories out there, so that's good!

I really need to see the movie again. And also check to see what new stories have been posted :-).

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So today has been the Day of Peeling. Fun times.

Also today: I watched Puncture, which I'd ordered on Bluray from Amazon. It's not what I'd call a great movie--it's good, but it's got some problems--but Chris Evans is great in it.

( Spoilers for Puncture. )

In other news, I have been reading a lot of Phil Coulson/Clint Barton fic (especially post-movie fic, if you know what I mean), which I had little to no interest in before seeing Avengers but am now all over. Which should surprise exactly no one who's both seen the movie and knows me. Feel free to rec me anything you think I might have missed.

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I am watching War Horse on On Demand. So far I am disappointed, sadly.

I am not, however, disappointed with my tattoo! Today I had E take a picture of it before I worked out, so you can see it without all the redness and swelling! You can definitely see the shadow now, although I'm not entirely sure it doesn't just look like my skin is dirty? Perhaps this is something to talk to Scott about when I go in for touch-ups next month. But the rest of it, I just have to say, I look at it in the mirror or in this picture and think, holy shit, that's amazing.

So I'm gonna post the new picture. I've also posted it (and some pictures leading up to the ones I'd already posted, that KM emailed me) in the original post about the tattoo, but I couldn't resist posting it here as well, because did I mention I think it's gorgeous? Because I totally do.

( Here it is. )

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So I have gotten into the shower 4 times in the last 24 hours, 3 times (so far) today. I am supposed to be washing and then lotioning my tattoo 5-6 times a day, and the only way to wash it is in the shower. I am going through all my bath towels! Also, after much experimentation and a failed attempt to find cotton swab sticks (long ones, as q-tips are too short--does anyone need a box of q-tips, by the way?), which did not exist either at Walgreens or Target (maybe a medical supply store?), I have invented the technique of folding a kleenex a few times and sort of weaving a chopstick through it and putting lotion on the end. That's the only way I am able to reach the bottom wing (and shadow underneath) of my tattoo, and believe me I want to be able to do that, because I could already tell this morning that not being able to get lotion on that part was making it hurt more than the rest.

As Scott's wife promised, it feels a lot like a sunburn. And getting hot water on it isn't exactly pleasant. At least it doesn't itch (yet?)?

I realized this morning that I hadn't noticed yesterday that the stencil didn't include the horizontal line indicating the 819th (and so the tattoo doesn't either), so I emailed Scott this afternoon to ask if that could be added if/when we do any refreshing of colors in a month, and he said yes, so that's good! Because of course that's an important part of the tattoo and the plane!

Scott hasn't posted the picture on his twitter yet, but KM has sent the pics from her iPhone that show the early stages. Probably once Scott's pic is up I'll update the post from yesterday and post a link, or something, for people who want to check it out again, because I think it makes the most sense to have them all together rather than in separate posts.

I really don't know if I can make myself get in the shower two more times tonight. And I'm not entirely sure how long I'm supposed to keep that up--it sure is a good thing I'm not working right now.

Anyway, I'm kind of still in tattoo-mode, and not just because of the showering-and-lotioning schedule, but I did still manage to get on the treadmill today, so go me! I'm supposed to work out with E tomorrow, but I think I will probably try to avoid doing much lying on my back.

Also, I find myself wanting to buy tank tops. Because I want to show off my art!

And now I need to figure out what to make for dinner.

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For some reason cross-posting failed on this, so if you want to check out pics of my new tattoo, check them out here!

Just like last year, I want to wish a happy Mother's Day to all the awesome moms out there.

And just like last year, I want to send love to all of us who aren't moms, whether we're planning or hoping to become moms or not. I got myself tulips again this year, and I've been listening to my adoption playlist for the first time in quite a while.

In other news, in less than 24 hours I'm getting a tattoo! And I still haven't seen any sketches, and I'm trying really hard not to be freaked out. Current worries include that I will bleed like crazy (I have fairly thin and sensitive skin, woohoo Scandinavian heritage) and/or have some sort of crazy allergic reaction to the ink. Plus, how the hell am I going to wash and care for the tattoo? I guess I can sort of reach most of the area with my left hand, but it's very awkward. Suggestions gratefully accepted.

In other other news, recently I have finished some books.

( Spoilers for Wildwood )

( Spoilers for The Losers comics. )

Next book I've started: Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine and the Murder of a President by Candice Millard. It's about President Garfield, the guy who shot him, and the horrendous way he died when he totally could have been saved, all because the physicians at the time completely refused to believe in the germ theory of disease and to use any antisepsis when they treated him (he died of infection). I'm on page 79 and enjoying it quite a bit so far.

I, uh, might have also ordered Max Hastings' book on the Pacific theater from Amazon this afternoon. Along with Puncture on Bluray and a couple other things. Because free time is diminishing the size of my to-be-read stack, so clearly I need to add more things to it, and there's no such thing as too much Chris Evans on Bluray. Or too much research material for Liberator.

(I might need to watch The Losers again)

I worked out yesterday and it sucked. Stupid 47 year old knees and hips. But at least I went.

Did I mention I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow morning? Eeeeee! I'm nervous. And excited.

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So yesterday was a long day, but eventually it ended, and believe it or not, all of our students actually passed the course for the semester (well, there's one clinical issue that might impact a certain student, not in my group, but for theory they all passed)! I can't remember the last time that happened, which is kind of sad, but anyway, my students all passed, woohoo!

Then I had to go to dinner with the usual crowd, and RA took two of my tortillas like it was his right or something, not even asking, just taking them out of the container, despite the fact that they were there for my veggie fajitas. Which weren't even that great (not enough mushrooms, too many peppers and stupid asparagus, which I hate and wasn't even mentioned on the menu description). Ugh, at least I don't have to deal with any of them again until fall, pretty much.

Today I spent a few hours reading Big Questions by Anders Nilsen, which was good, although a hell of a lot darker than I was expecting. Don't know if any of you have heard of it, but it's a gigantic graphic novel (592 pages) mostly dealing with a few days in the life of a flock of finches, including what happens when an unexploded bomb lands in a field, and later a plane crash, and how the birds try to make sense of all this (calling the unexploded bomb an egg, for example). There are also a lot of the titular big questions, a riff on Plato, evangelizing bird skeletons, nods to Greek myths, and some other characters, including three humans. I mostly recommend it, but not for everyone?

( Spoilers. )

I was supposed to meet with E for a training session today, so I dutifully headed up to the apt complex gym, warmed up on the treadmill, and waited (while still on the treadmill) for more than 20 minutes before feeling too concerned to work out any longer and heading back home. Turned out she closed her eyes for a brief rest and fell asleep and slept through our appointment, which has never happened before. I'm just glad she's okay. I'll work out on my own tomorrow.

Appointment is set up for Monday morning for my tattoo, and Scott says he's working on a sketch and will send it to me soon! I'm excited.

Also exciting: Obama (not to mention Biden and my sister's old buddy Arne Duncan) coming out in support of gay marriage! Yay! I am not going to think too much about NC because I'd rather focus on the positives. My niece sent me a link to a great tumblr about the Obama support: http://whenobamaendorsed.tumblr.com/.

Sadness: tonight I ate the very last bits of my Austin Spice Company Smokey Hill Salsa. I so wish they hadn't shut down. No other salsa tastes as good; it was like they designed it for me. Oh well. I shall have to continue testing alternatives.

My last remaining school-related obligation is graduation on Friday night. It will be long and hot and uncomfortable and miserable, as usual, but once it's over I will officially be on vacation. YAY.

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No spoilers here, but I will say I had a great time!



Also good: visiting with rusty76 afterwards, making plans to see Prometheus when it comes out, and remembering to stop and get cat litter and groceries on the way home. I am putting today in the win column!

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I promised thoughts about Inferno: The World at War, 1939-1945 by Max Hastings. ( Here they are, at length. )

In other news, there was a story in the NYT magazine recently about people taking hallucinogens to help them cope with imminent death that totally creeped me out. You are all on notice: if anyone ever tries to give me psilocybin so I can hallucinate my way into believing in an afterlife or that everything will be okay, I will cut you. (yes, the people in the story were volunteers; my point stands)

Also, tomorrow includes the last faculty meeting of the semester/academic year, and also the last regular exam for our students (final is a week from Tuesday), and also I am teaching after the exam. Oh boy.

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That was fucking depressing. Seriously, what is Pekka Rinne? I think maybe he's a mutant with goalie superpowers.

ETA: Some other things re: hockey (fandom) that have been perplexing and disappointing me, a list:

(NOTE: I am fully aware that these are no doubt minority opinions, and that they don't bother other people, and I'm not trying to convert anyone or deny that people can enjoy what they enjoy. These are just things that personally bother me a lot and keep me from enjoying fic the way I want to.)

1. OMG Sidney Crosby is not a poor robot, he's an asshole. I liked him better when I had more fanon knowledge than actual knowledge, and before, like, he started acting like such an immature asshole in the playoffs. (Granted, I never paid any attention to him at all before, so it's my own fault for being unduly influenced by fanon)
2. Why do so many people completely ignore the marital/parenthood status of one or more players in their preferred pairing(s)? I can sort of ignore it when reading Duncs/Seabs, because I can never remember which one of them is married, but I can no longer read, say, Eric Staal/Jeff Skinner, because Eric Staal is not only married, he and his wife just had their second child (no doubt destined to be blond and tall) a few months ago!
3. The relative young age/immaturity/dudebroness of most of the pairings is not actually a draw for me. Again, I know I am the minority! But watching the NHL36 on Nick Lidstrom the other day, just, this guy is a father and he's 41 and he's dedicated and smart and really cool, and I just found him way more interesting than watching Patrick Kane mess around Chicago with his dad. I CANNOT HELP BEING MIDDLE-AGED. Although of course Nick Lidstrom (who also has adorable blond sons) is married so I wouldn't want him slashed with anyone. Because that's how I roll.
4. (not hockey fic related) Why do all the fans love the fights so much? I hate the fights! The Preds and the Wings don't fight (much--this year even they've been going at it, because apparently that's what we're doing in the playoffs this year, and yes, I do still blame Shanny for not suspending Shea Weber, not that I'm bitter or anything, but, can you imagine how things could have gone for the Wings if he'd been suspended? BETTER THAT'S HOW), and that's how I like my hockey, but every time I try to watch other teams playing (especially the Pens, WTF), it's all fighting and penalties and obnoxiousness, and that's not what I want to watch! Because I am a peaceful zen hockey fan or something.

Unfortunately I am most likely going to have to pick another team to root for in the playoffs since I have serious doubts the Wings are going to pull it out on Friday (much less win the additional games they'd need to win), and I was thinking it was going to be the Pens but now I am VERY DISAPPOINTED with Sidney Crosby, and I just can't get that into the Hawks but they're better than the Rangers or the Flyers, I suppose. I don't know.

LIFE WOULD JUST BE BETTER IF IT WENT ACCORDING TO MY PLANS. WHICH INCLUDE THE WINGS WINNING THE CUP AGAIN.

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Full disclosure: I betaed both of these. But that shouldn't matter, because they are awesome, and you should read them.

This first one I have watched the development of for quite a while, and I'm so thrilled that it's finally done and posted. Only panisdead could have possibly written this. It's full of her usual brilliance--sharp observation and the kind of scene-setting that I can never come close to, fabulous characterization, wonderful TEAMNESS, and the basic idea of it! Who else could ever come up with the idea of the Ancients making an amusement park for kids? And get what that would be, and come up with the rides, and everything? No one but Panisdead, that's who.

Ascension World: A Place For Children (12354 words) by panisdead
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex, Teyla Emmagan
Summary:

"Are we sure we want to go in?" John said, nose wrinkling. "I think it's educational."

The second one is also brilliant, not to mention hot, and also just gets the characters (much better than the writers of the show did, which is not surprising). Because it totally would be intimidating to be in a relationship with Teyla, right?

Reel Genius (3505 words) by panisdead
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: Explicit
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Teyla Emmagan/Jennifer Keller
Characters: Jennifer Keller, Teyla Emmagan
Summary:

Jennifer is undressing in Teyla's room.

Anyway, go and read and give well-deserved love to these two stories.

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OMG, y'all, I am in a nasty mood this morning. I woke up a million times during the night/morning, hot or cold or bothered by a cat or my cell phone going off at an early hour or leaf blowers outside or whatever other reason, and I didn't get any grading done this week, and I have clinical coming up, and did I mention the cats bothering me because OMG leave my head ALONE, SOPHIE.

Wish me luck making it through the next 36 hours, y'all. I'm gonna need it.

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I am going through Liberator again, ostensibly so I can add authentic details about the B-24J, but mostly just because I have the day off and I can. I guess there might be some day when I could go through it and not make little edits, but this is not one of those days. I have a ton of actual work to do, but I have decided today is an official day off and I am going to enjoy it, along with the fact that I'm able to mostly do reading and editing without feeling overly dizzy. And, just, I still love these characters so fucking much.

Working out with my trainer in an hour and a half, but for now I'm still enjoying drinking tea in my pjs and hanging out with David and Jim.

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Those of you who have progressive lenses, please to be telling me if I should somehow get used to this and it won't be a problem any more, or if I will need (as I think I will) to do something about it. So, looking through different parts of the lens for near and far and such, expected, but my main problem is looking from side to side. It feels like the focal point is super small, and when I move my head from side to side while looking, for example, at a table, it looks like the table is moving in waves as parts of it get closer and farther away as I move my head. I first noticed this Weds. night right after I got them, but it didn't bother me much yesterday, I think because I wasn't moving my head around a lot. This afternoon, however, at clinical, it was a major problem, including when I would do things like shake my head no at a student or, you know, walk around the hospital, to the point that I started feeling dizzy fairly early on and had to delegate most of my tasks to my meds assistant. By the end of the evening I was feeling nauseated as well.

Driving home was not a problem, however--if I'm stationary and focused on something further away, it doesn't seem to be an issue.

I am wondering if there's a problem with the lenses being too progressive on the sides, or possibly the wrong prescription, or something, or if I'm going to need to go to your standard bifocal/trifocal instead, because holy shit did this clinical suck. I think I'm going to take my super-old and super-scratched up old glasses to clinical tomorrow, and either call or stop by Lenscrafters this weekend to try to sort it out.

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Many, many pictures from yesterday. Yay, and also, you've been warned!

( Go here for many, many pictures, mostly of the B-24, but also a few of a B-17 and P-51 )

Good god that took forever--I hope y'all enjoy the pictures!

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I'm not sure how detailed I'm going to get tonight, as I'm currently fighting a headache, probably brought on by a combo of fluctuating blood sugar; time spent in a large, very loud, aviation-fuel-smelling, massively vibrating 70 year old plane; PMS; lack of sleep; adrenaline; and brand-new progressive lenses.

Anyway. Short story is: long-ass day but totally worth the money, the wait, and the low blood sugar. I loved it.

( Here's the long story, although I'll probably add more tomorrow, and also will eventually get some pictures up. )

So, anyway, my headache is better but I'm still not sure I'm up for sorting through and uploading pictures tonight, but I promise I will tomorrow.

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Didn't take off until after 2, haven't eaten any lunch, but it was AWESOME and totally worth it. More later!

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I am briefly home (for about 30 minutes, because I couldn't stand the thought of spending 2 hours in the waiting room where they had Fox News playing and I didn't have a book or an iPod with me), about to drink some tea and read DW and then turn around and drive back to hopefully get on the plane at 11ish. Because it's overcast, and the FAA doesn't let them fly unless there's a certain ceiling, which there isn't currently but will hopefully be at 11. So that I can fly. Without having to, like, drive to Houston tomorrow.

Send all good thoughts and pray to the weather gods that the overcast will clear up. And that no more than one person will back out, because they said they'll still go as long as they have 5.

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I came, I saw, I kicked today's ass.

Woke up too early, fought to try to go jogging before therapy but couldn't make myself, went to therapy and discussed difficult things in a hopefully helpful way, found out my insurance is continuing to slowly eke out approvals for more visits, went to school, got interrupted a ton of times to do extra stuff for other people whose computers aren't working but still got stuff done, dealt with two students in hopefully helpful ways, worked with PS to successfully lobby KL to accept a couple answers on one of her test questions, printed out directions to the place for tomorrow, came home, listened to Terri Gross interview Rachel Maddow, successfully made myself jog, ate something with vegetables in it for dinner, and CALLED THE COLLINGS FOUNDATION JUST NOW AND MY FLIGHT HAS 6 PEOPLE AND I AM GOING UP IN A MOTHERFUCKING B-24J TOMORROW MORNING AT 8:30 YES I AM.

After that I will tour more planes and have a fun morning doing that and then I will go to the mall and get my new glasses and also I will work out with E tomorrow and I don't even have to grade any care plans because I won't get any until Friday.

DID I MENTION I GET TO RIDE IN A B-24J TOMORROW? BECAUSE I DO.

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So, as you know, at this time tomorrow I am hopefully to be on my way to go ride in a B-24J. I got a call yesterday saying my new progressive lenses are in and was planning on going to get them put in my frames this afternoon/evening. But then I was wondering, do I want to do that the day before the plane ride? Or do I want to wait until after, so I am not moving my head all around trying to figure out the best way to see? My current lenses aren't the perfect prescription anymore and are also scratched, so the new lenses would be better in terms of those things. What do you think, o people of the internet? I know it's supposed to take a 5-7 days to get used to progressives....

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Just talked to the folks, and so far there are 4 people signed up for Weds. morning. The guy said he thought the flight would make; we only need 2 more people to sign up. Yay!

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Things I did not want to wake up to include:

1. Finding out that my debit card info has once again been stolen by someone somehow, so I have to go through the whole rigamarole of getting a new one again.

At least they were able to give me a temporary one at the bank, and I got cash for the hopeful plane ride, and I had them take my picture again for the new card so it looks like current me instead of me 5 years ago.

( This week's to do. )

And now I have to go to lunch!

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Has been pretty great. I had one of those nights where, despite being exhausted, I couldn't fall asleep forever, but then I slept in and then I made myself a pot of my favorite tea, so that was okay.

And then my mom called, and she freaked out about what I'm hopefully spending my birthday money on (a really truly for real plane ride in an ACTUAL B-24J for half an hour, that is if enough other people sign up, because they have to have at least 6 people, but it will hopefully be either Tuesday after work or on Weds. morning and I am SO EXCITED), and I totally lied to her about how it wasn't going to take all of the birthday money she sent (actually it will take all of it plus more, but it will be SO WORTH IT), because she's now convinced I'm going to die in a horrible fiery crash or something instead of spending 30 minutes bouncing off the narrow walls of the B-24 in absolute bliss and excitement. As long as enough other people sign up PLEASE LET THEM SIGN UP DID I MENTION IT'S A J? BECAUSE IT'S EVEN A B-24J PEOPLE. NOT A STUPID D OR ANYTHING YAY.


And then I made cinnamon rolls for brunch because it's my birthday, and then my middle sister called (she was kind of meh about the B-24 but at least she wasn't negative) and then my youngest niece called (she was fairly excited) and then my older sister called (she and her husband were super excited, and also they sent me a Dave Brubeck in concert cd for my b'day which is awesome because Dave Brubeck is awesome) and then I relaxed for a while in my pjs and then I went jogging on the treadmill and then I tried to lift weights, but then my body said, "Hey, Shell? You know how you've had nothing to eat but sugar and fat and caffeine all day? Yeah, we're not doing this" and so I came home. And now I have to shower and get ready to go out to dinner with my beloved knitting mafia and also some other friends, yay. Unfortunately I just got a text and my beloved fanofall won't be able to make it because she has all the stuff going on, but the rest of us will have a great time and I'll see her soon. *smootches fanofall*

Um, I may be just a tiny bit wired from caffeine and sugar and post-jog endorphins and B-24J excitement. And I really need to get in the shower now, so, peace out, people who live in my computer! ♥

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Good things:

1. Decent workout today.
2. Watched Contagion on On Demand tonight--wow was that a good movie.
3. I didn't have to grade any care plans today.
4. I made it to my drum lesson despite not being in the mood.
5. I have made a little progress on a query letter.

Things that I don't actually want to deal with, because wow are they anger-inducing and energy-sapping:
1. My feelings about this season's Southland.
2. The Republican war on women.
3. The Texas war on women.
4. The state of childbirth in this country.

Things that are merely somewhat depressing or annoying:
1. The combo of many, many injured players and thus not so good play of the Red Wings.
2. Upcoming clinical marathon.
3. I'm about to be, like, irrevocably someone in her late 40s. Well, irrevocable until I turn into someone in her 50s and so on, but even so. At least 47 is a prime number?
4. OMG the pollen is trying to kill me.
5. I am trying to enjoy watching the Stars, but the last two games I've watched have included a lot of fighting--like, any fighting is a lot as far as I'm concerned, but seriously, stop fighting, hockey players!

Anyway. Here's hoping Nick Lidstrom and Jimmy Howard and all the other injured Red Wings are better soon, because it's about to be the playoffs.

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( To do. )

Monday, Monday.... At least I finally felt like I got a decent night's sleep last night, and even got to work earlier than usual.

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And now it's Friday night. Again, how did that happen? I guess I really do have to grade the care plans tomorrow.

Today I worked out and it was awful--I had no stamina whatsoever. I blame the pollen, the humidity, the PMS, and the crappy sleep I've been getting all week.

I also went and got my yearly eye exam. Good news: my corneas are apparently super healthy, and the weird pigmented spot next to the macula in my left retina looks exactly the same as it has for the last four years, so is apparently not, like, a sign that I'm developing macular degeneration or anything. Also, apparently 6% of the population have physiological anisocoria (one pupil bigger than the other with no bad sequelae)! I am not as unique as I thought I was!

Not as good news: both my near and far vision are worse than they were a year ago, and progressive lenses are definitely indicated. Worse news: even with the $100 off I get from my insurance, the lenses will cost $400. Because, yay progressive lenses plus some astigmatism, woohoo! They have to be special ordered and will take a couple weeks to come in, so I'll have to make a trip back to the mall and sit around unable to see for an hour while they put them in my frames. Then I get to spend a week being super frustrated while getting used to them--doesn't that sound like fun? I am promised that once I get used to them it will be great (as in, I'll actually be able to see again), but I'm not particularly looking forward to the getting used to them stage.

I also bought some new (also expensive!) running shoes. I think and hope they will not aggravate the top of my feet the way the old ones have, plus they're new, so will be a better cushion and all. Hopefully the next time I try to jog I will not feel like I am dying. I think the answer is to switch back to the treadmill rather than keep doing it outside, what with the explosion of blooming plantlife and also increased heat. Plus I can always go further on the treadmill, which is gratifying.

In your hockey comment for the night, I am unamused by watching the Stars on the local Fox Sports affiliate, where they treat the viewer as someone who doesn't know anything about hockey, and the horrible commercials trying to get you to come see the Stars play that are all about fights. Come see us play so you can see us beat up on other players! Yeah, no thanks. That is not why I watch hockey, and it's certainly not a way to make me into a Stars fan.

Let us not discuss the Wings' current losing streak. Instead we will remain happy that Sidney Crosby got an assist last night, and also that Henrik Zetterberg exists, in all his bathing costumed glory.

In other news, I am kind of stalking my tattoo artist's twitter feed to see if he's going to post about working on my tattoo. Nothing to report on that front so far.

This week's Southland: more of the same. Sigh.

Man, I'm tired. I really hope I can actually get to sleep at a decent time tonight, and also stay asleep. That would be good.

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How did it get to be Thursday already? I want another week of spring break.

Things I don't care about include the following: basketball. I'm annoyed that I have to share my birthday week with stupid March Madness every year.

Things I do care about include: hockey. Including, apparently, Sidney Crosby and the Pens. Which I am watching right now. I used to only watch hockey when the Red Wings or sometimes the Stars were playing, but lately I have NBC Sports Network on practically every time they have a game. And I actually know something about some of the players who are not Red Wings, which is good. But I'm not sure how my father would feel about my current feelings for Sidney Crosby (namely: I am so happy that he gets to play again! Go Sid!), since he is not, after all, a Red Wing, but there you go.

I actually don't feel like I know enough about the Red Wings players because hardly any hockey fic gets written about them and there aren't any primers that anyone has linked to, and because I'm too lazy to go searching for things because I don't actually like going to Youtube and watching things on my computer. But I do think Henrik Zetterberg is at least as good looking as Henrik Lundqvist, so there. Well, okay, maybe he doesn't have piercing blue eyes, but at least he isn't overly tanned, and he's apparently a giant goofball, as is his wife, as you can see in this wedding picture (trust me, you really want to follow that link, because Henrik Zetterberg and his wife got married in old fashioned bathing costumes at some Swedish beach (the second link is to a Swedish site, but you don't need to read Swedish to look at the pictures), and there's bonus Nik Lidstrom in one, as well as other Wings, plus bathrobes, and boaters, and flipflops, and, just, follow the link). Adorbs, people. But don't slash him with anyone, because he and his wife clearly belong together and are adorable together, and any couple who would have their entire bunch of friends and relatives dress in striped old fashioned bathing costumes (with optional white bathrobes) at their wedding should NEVER be broken up!

Which just goes to show you that I should actually spend more time looking things up about the Wings, because if I hadn't just searched for images of Zetterberg, I never would have known of this fabulous thing that he and his wife did. THEY GOT MARRIED IN OLD FASHIONED STRIPED BATHING COSTUMES, PEOPLE. AND ZETTERBERG WAS WEARING A BOATER AND FLIPFLOPS WITH HIS. I am all in favor of Sidney Crosby's existence as a poor human robot hockey player, but I doubt he will ever marry Geno (or anyone else) in anything nearly as awesome as that. Whether or not you're into hockey, you've got to admire those nutty Swedes (and I say that as a nutty 3/8 Swede 1/8 Norwegian).

Anyway. I have done some of the tasks I had set aside for myself this break (arranging for the tattoo, figuring out where I want to go for dinner on my birthday, buying a new shower curtain), but I still have things I need to do (get a haircut, get my eyes checked out & probably new glasses, grade the goddamned care plans), and, as I mentioned, it's already Thursday night. But at least I don't have clinical tomorrow or Saturday!

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Clinical is OVAH for the weekend, and there is no clinical next weekend, because I am now ON SPRING BREAK WOOHOO.

Also, I actually got close to 6 hours of sleep last night, which is SO VERY MUCH better than the 4 hours I got last Friday night, I had a much lower level of student-wrangling this weekend, and did I mention Spring Break?

For my next trick, I am going to attempt the rare Saturday-after-clinical-without-a-nap trick. Wish me luck.

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So today kind of sucked. Started out when my pager woke me up and it was a spam text and not even a student, which, talk about unfair. My trainer cancelled our training session again. And then there's the whole thing....

Just, look. I shouldn't post when I'm pissed off, even though anger gives you (me) energy and courage to say things you (I) wouldn't otherwise say. I still stand by all the points I made, although I'm aware that I'm in a minority where these things are concerned, and that a lot of people got something very different from Impertinence's story than I did, or see the whole thing as a lot more of a grey area than I do. I don't really get that on a super deep level (obviously, although this is not an invitation to try to explain it to me), which is where a lot of the anger came from--I do get it from an intellectual level, but this whole thing isn't about intellect so much as it's about id, and possibly my own h/c kink is in some ways directly opposed to the kind of kink in that story, which makes it fraught on so many levels, because I had not just an intellectual but also a strongly emotional response, and it was in opposition to other folks' strongly emotional response.

I do get that I was stepping over/on other people's ids, which is always a fraught thing to do, and I was not as aware of/thoughtful about that when I posted as I could have been. I'm also aware that not everyone has the same associations I do with certain things (not everyone teaches a unit on abuse and violence every February; not everyone thought about Princess Diana when they read Impertinence's story), and saying it wasn't my intent to piss on anyone's kink is no more helpful than anyone else saying something wasn't their intent. If the author is dead, the author of a DW post is dead too--I can't dictate to anyone how they should interpret what I write, no matter what I intend.

I don't think I need to apologize for my reaction to the story or the gist of my post, but I can and do apologize for the anger, because that wasn't cool. I could have handled that better, if I hadn't been, well, so angry.

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Let me propose a theoretical for y'all.

Germany and Austria are monarchies, although the king has more power in Germany than in Austria. There's a princess in Austria who has brothers who will inherit the crown, because women can't inherit the monarchy in Austria. She's been raised to believe her only purpose in life will be to marry some royal somewhere to cement an alliance. She used to be interested in politics, but since she's been told there's no way she'll ever have any real influence, she's spent the last few years shopping and having lunches out with other ladies from court, which sometimes turn into late nights drinking and being an idiot. But it's not like there's anything else for her to do.

She agrees to an arranged marriage to the heir to the German throne. She's met the guy and thinks he's kinda cute and also kind of a jerk, but this is what she's supposed to be for, so she moves to Germany, leaving her family in Austria, and marries him after spending a month living in his family's castle. While there, she's told she's not allowed to go out drinking any more, because it reflects badly on Germany. She agrees to this. Also, people tell her she has to dress differently and do her hair differently. She spends most of her time freaking out about how she wants to do things right and not fuck things up and wondering what it's going to be like to marry her fiancé, who's acting like a dick. Also, her fiancé and his mother get pissed that she doesn't speak Polish, even though she speaks French and English. So she starts taking Polish lessons, and when her fiancé tells her she has to spend mornings in his office studying German history instead of sleeping in or going shopping, she does it.

And her fiancé bosses her around, pushes her against walls, and grabs her and keeps her from leaving rooms. She gets turned on by this and realizes she's falling for him. They get married and have awkward sex where her husband dominates her, and she really enjoys it, but she's still seen as good for nothing other than being the royal wife. She helps her husband out with some really important meetings and starts feeling a little less like a trophy and more like a person who has something to offer to her new country and to the husband she's realized she's in love with, despite the fact that he still pushes her around (emotionally and physically). He's bigger than she is, stronger than she is, and he's the heir to the throne of the foreign country she's now living in and expected to honor above any other political loyalties. Which she does--she puts all her energy into supporting Germany's goals. And they keep having sex, and a lot of the time it includes the prince hitting the princess, or holding her down, or commanding her to do things, or refusing to do things until she begs him to do them. But she thinks it's hot when he insults her, and she insults him back.

And then she makes a mistake. It's a big mistake, although it's an understandable one given how she was raised to think nothing she ever said or did mattered to anyone, ever. Her husband throws her out of their room, calls her a useless piece of shit, punches her in the stomach, refuses to speak to her, and then pushes into her room, goes down on her while pinching her thigh so hard it hurts, and then tells her she's completely useless and the only thing she's good for is sex.

Then she goes and works hard to fix her mistake, and the prince takes her back but never apologizes (or tells her he loves her), and it's all supposed to be okay and even romantic and wonderful.

And that's the story that everyone's reccing and thinks is so amazing. The only difference, and I really do mean the only difference (besides the names of the countries), is that the princess is a prince and both princes are played by people with the names and some of the personality traits of a couple real-life professional hockey players.

Let's see: power differential (both physical and emotional), social isolation, control of the partner's personal and professional life, emotional abuse and manipulation, and physical abuse. Just because both partners are male doesn't mean it's not abuse, people.

Oh, and the author's response to anyone who says that she's written a portrait of an abusive marriage is that they're reading it wrong.

How is this okay, people? Seriously, folks post critiques about stories where there's cultural appropriation and racism and ableism and homophobia, and all of fandom gets involved in an effort to learn and grow and not "fail" or "be pantless" or whatever, but somehow this story is okay?

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How did it get to be Monday again?

Oh, and btw, last night I did not dream about Southland. But I did dream about zombies. And being late for clinical and having a clinical floor that involved both med-surg and post-partum, and also a student I'd never seen before.

( To do. )

But, hey, at least I am not teaching this evening! And there's no faculty meeting today! And next week is SPRING BREAK already OMG. These are good things.

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So last night/this morning I had not one, but two, count them, TWO, bad dreams about Southland. No, really. The first one was really scary, but the second one was mostly majorly bizarre.

( Apparently my subconscious is just as upset/worried/angry about the show as my conscious mind is? )

So that happened. I slept late and talked to my mother about various television shows and then went to meet the knitting mafia, where we dealt with an unexpected bluegrass recital and a very rude woman, but the company was excellent, the food was great as usual, and I got three more rows done on the afghan of the alpacalypse (which does not involve any Yakuza clowns). And now it's time for bed, so here's hoping I don't have any more nightmares tonight.

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You know what is really awesome, now that I'm halfway decent enough to attempt it? Rocking out at my drum lesson with first the Michael Stanley Band (Yeah, I know you've never heard of them unless you lived in the Great Lakes region in the 70s-early 80s, but they ROCK) and then, even more awesomely, to the HEADSTONES. Yes, y'all, I can actually play the bodhran mostly fast enough to keep up with the bass line on Unsound, and that is SO MUCH FUN you don't even know. Bonus: I got to introduce my drum teacher to the wonders of the Headstones (he'd actually heard of MSB already, because he's even older than I am and was very into, um, rock music in the 70s, being as he's a drummer who's old enough to have played in rock bands in the 70s). Also, the large amounts of caffeine, the happy hormones, and the fact that it's finally MARCH helped, but, seriously. Headstones + bodhran = SO MUCH ROCK.

Because, you know, I contain multitudes (just ask panisdead), and I refuse to be limited to celtic music (see also: bodhran plus 80s new wave, bodhran plus big band, bodhran plus Christmas music, etc.).

BANGING A DRUM IS FUN, YO.

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I am going to spare you the complete text of the two emails full of capslock I just sent to panisdead about a certain hockey RPF story I spent most of the day reading and stick to the highlights:

1. There is such a thing as too much pining.
2. If you have >60,000 words and a ton of pining, you need a really good pay-off at the end.
3. If you have too much pining, you really need to have actual character motivations that both exist and are clear that explain the pining.
4. For both characters. Yes, even if only one character has the POV for the whole story. Your reader might still want to actually UNDERSTAND why the non-POV character is acting as he is. And so might the POV character!
5. If you get to the end of 63,000 words of PINING and lack of character motivation that explains the pining, again, you might want more of a pay-off than an awkward confession that hey, maybe they actually kinda sorta care about each other and a kiss and a decision to live together. I'm just saying.
6. Yes, it is defensible characterization that hockey players probably aren't that great at actually communicating emotions. But you can take that shit too far, people. You can take that shit way too far. Especially if you have no discernible character motivation!

Brought to you by a story that definitely pulled me in, no question, but could have been SO MUCH BETTER. Especially at the end. Man, the end REALLY needed to be better.

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